rottonpineapple (rottonpineapple) wrote,
rottonpineapple
rottonpineapple

My insides are starting to rot again

Im so incredably sick and bored of myself.
I have lost any artisticness i ever had
I cant get a job.
I have no clothes and soon nowhere to live.
Im bored of my makeup, my hair , the same clothes or pjs i always wear.
I just want to throw myself at someone and be there little project 
Ill save money and we can go shopping, even though i hate shopping
for clothes new boots and new makeup and some brushes to do it with oh and maybe some fun contacts
and just sit me there as your little painting pad and design me
redo my hair and dress me up. ill be your barbie doll for the day
but the only friend i have is tiffany and we rairly see eachother and i dont think shell want to do it
or maybe she will ..
If not any takers??
I would perfer to know you, but hey a new friend might be nice
if i dont know you tiffany will be there also..
ugg im having a cry for help or something.

anyways

my boobs got bigger and they hurt like hell
its weird i lost weight though..
im 98lbs again and i look bigger
its quite odd

You know what really sucks ,
antabuse
ugg i hate it,
i cant drink or use anything i used before and its making me break out like a mad man on crack and red balls haha

being sober sucks
i wish i had something else to calm my nerves
I have to go to court tomorrow morning with my mummy
its the final court date for my parents splitting and she wants me to be at this one
my dad wont be near me so it will be okay but i could break down in there or something 

that reminds me i can tell my dad my news now 
i have to tell him so i have have my grandparents there
but im so scraed or worried that hes going to flip out and beat me and yell and totally kill all my purposes to live
yes im going to go over there and drop my little brother off and tell him in person sigh i think im going to start crying



adams scared that im going to relaps
sorry im all over the place but i hardly write in this

oh yeah im getting back into my massage so soon if anyones interested in paying a low price for an hou full body massage or just an half an hour to 45 mins on your back let me know so i can make some small cash and fix you. i have all the supplys i just need to practice more. ill let you know how mcu it will be soon, no more than 75 for sure <for the hour> it will probbly be way less than taht acctually becuase i know you and its been a while since i have been in school for it. but please dont be scared it would help me out a lot. exsoecially since i cant get a real job for a while

well im off because i need to use the ladies room
good mornings and have a fantastic day..

::Nikole::

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